I signed up for a matchmaker after getting tired of dating apps. I couldn’t believe how well my first date went.

It’s well known that Black women have a different type of dynamic when it comes to dating and, of course, life. And I asked her that very difficult question. I was like, “Look, I’m a Black woman. How do you feel that the matchmaker will be best able to find someone for me given that?”

I was really happy with how she responded. She didn’t shy away from it. That was a very big green flag for me.

If you want to go the matchmaking route, do your due diligence to ensure it’s a legitimate company. I Googled them, looked at the founder, looked her up on LinkedIn, and looked up the matchmakers on LinkedIn.

I signed up at the beginning of June and have it for four months. What I like about the service I chose is that you can get your money refunded after a particular period if you’re unhappy.

It’s a couple thousand dollars, so it is an investment. Because of the cost, I feel that anyone in the network is more intentional because you have to pay, and it’s not $50 or $100 a year. It is a commitment.

I filled out a questionnaire for my matchmaker

The matchmaking service learned more about me from the initial sign-up call. I shared a couple of bullet points I wrote about the characteristics I’m looking for in a potential partner.

That was part one. Part two is when you’re paired with a matchmaker. You have an introductory call that lasts about an hour on Zoom.

Before the call, they email you a 30-question document about who you are and what you’re looking for in another person.

Some of the questions involve what ethnicities you’re open to dating. Also, what age? Height? Politics? What is your ideal partner? Can you describe the characteristics? How would you describe yourself? Are you athletic? Are you short or tall? Are you petite? Do you work out? Do you drink socially? Do you have a dog or cat? Are you allergic to dogs or cats? It was very thorough.

It was a solid questionnaire and a good starting point for the conversation about who I am and what I’m looking for.

I really appreciated the Zoom conversation. It was a good hour and felt like a proper interview. I went in very specific, and I think that served me well.

My matchmaker scheduled my first date

After my initial call with my matchmaker, finding a first match took about a week and a half to two weeks.

They are working in the background and interviewing guys for me to date, which is nice. It’s kind of like a recruiter for relationships.

It is a slow process. You should make sure that you are in a solid place in your life because you won’t get people every day — at least, that’s not my experience.

I thought I would receive more information on the person than I did for my first match. You get a two-sentence write-up. You get their first name, where they go to school, a couple of hobbies, and two photos.

After we both said yes and agreed to date one another through the matchmaker, she made all the accommodations. She set a location, made the reservation, and emailed us the details.

I do like that. However, I didn’t have any context as to how the man would plan a date.

I could not believe how well the date went

You’re not in any kind of communication with the guy at all before the date. It’s all through the matchmaker.

I was excited and a little nervous getting there, feeling a little of everything at that moment.

But once the evening started to flow, I was almost in disbelief about how well we meshed.

It was really easy to talk to this person. I felt very calm and at ease when sitting next to him. I’m very big on letting my feelings lead the way in terms of whether I feel comfortable with someone and whether I want to get to know them more. And the way that we just kind of meshed right off the bat was super impressive.

It was a stark difference from a dating app or meeting someone in real life.

We both gave feedback after the date

After the date, the matchmaker sends an email that contains feedback.

It asks: On a scale of one to five, one being the worst and five being the best, how do you rate the date overall?

It also asks you questions like: What did you think about your date? Did you and your date have any challenges, or did you clash? Did you guys connect on any specific level? Give examples. It was a very detailed questionnaire again.

Once I provided all the feedback, I set up a 15-minute Zoom call with my matchmaker to discuss my feedback about the guy and hear about how the date went.

The scary part is that the man on the other end is doing the same.

The matchmaker will not read verbatim the answers that your date provided but high-level bullet points so you can get a feel for what the other person felt while they were on the date with you. You cannot get that on a dating app or in person.

It’s a good opportunity to reflect on how you are on dates. Granted, this will be different from person to person. But it’s a helpful dynamic and tool to understand how people take you in while you’re socializing with them.

It might not work out

It is a departure from how I previously dated, and it’s been a good departure so far.

I have to manage my expectations. I’m open to a new, healthy relationship, but it’s not magical.

I have the real perspective that maybe I will go through this process and it won’t work out. I have to be OK with that as well.

I would not do this if you feel wishy-washy within yourself or need validation. You have to be really, really confident and solid in who you are, no matter the outcome of the process.