When the wage gap between me and my husband grew, I quit my job to work part-time. I realized my non-monetary contributions have value, too.

I started to attach my worth to how much money I was making

Deep down, I wondered if I was truly only worth a third of what my husband was. The house was always a disaster, I was making deadlines at my job just under the wire, and I worried my split focus was making me a failure as a mother. I felt as though I wasn’t doing anything right and didn’t deserve my own salary, let alone the six-figure salary my husband was making.

I decided that if I didn’t bring monetary value to my marriage, I needed to be a better mother and housekeeper. I tried taking on more chores, more child-rearing, more everything. But each day just felt like a losing battle. The strong, independent woman in me started to lose her voice, crushed by stress, daily duties, and unending self-doubt.

I quit my job and talked to my husband about how I was feeling

One year after my husband started his new job, I quit mine. I was tired of the stress, self-pity, and mom guilt. I shifted to working part-time as a freelance writer. Though I make nearly the same amount of money, I sacrificed benefits like paid time off and my 401(k) match. Still, freelance work renewed my enthusiasm, and the fact that I could set my own schedule more than made up for the loss of benefits.

The most important thing I did leading up to this decision was talk to my husband. I explained why I needed to make the change and how my own insecurity made me feel like I was failing our family. He was horrified to learn that I felt so unsupported and agreed that we should do things differently.

We started by putting our little one in part-time day care so I could have dedicated days to focus on work. While the cost of two days a week put a strain on our budget, I desperately needed the mental break, and we knew our son would benefit from the socialization. We also agreed that our marriage is just as important as our finances, and we began going on weekly lunch dates to connect with each other.

Things aren’t perfect. I still worry my husband will resent me for my lagging financial contribution, and there are days when I still beat myself up for not doing enough. But I’m finally able to see my contributions have value beyond the monetary. I’ve raised a happy, healthy 4-year-old, and there’s no price you can put on that.