I’d sworn off dating apps until I heard about the ‘burned haystack’ approach women are swearing by. So I put it to the test.

The best thing about the method is that I’m only on the app for a couple of minutes a day. Most of that time is spent narrowing the pool down by blocking/removing profiles that don’t suit me or give off red flags. And I cross off anyone who sends a “like” without a message because I know that “like” isn’t an indicator of genuine interest and only dilutes the pool.

Before I would have looked at their profile and written a personalized message to those guys if I liked something on it. I’d have overlooked the generic intro message, thinking, “That’s OK because it’s the conversation afterwards that matters.”

And if they didn’t ask me any questions, I’d ask more to keep the chat going in case they actually wanted to meet and just weren’t great at texting. Now, instead of suggesting meeting to speed things up, I block or remove their profile after a few days if they’re stuck in virtual chat mode. If a chat dies on their side, I let it and never give them a second thought.

It’s such a relief that managing a dating app isn’t taking over my life. Every day, when I clear the pool and there are no more profiles I cheer inwardly.

I’m translating the method to real life

It’s early days but I think the method means the dating apps won’t suck my will to live this time.

More importantly, it’s taught me that the same signs are visible in the way a man speaks and behaves in person. If he talks about himself the whole date, he’s not nervous about impressing, he’s a bad communicator. If he’s late and doesn’t message to let me know, he’s not relaxed, he’s inconsiderate.

Is the new method working? With just those couple of minutes a day on the app, I’ve already had three in-person dates in three weeks, two of whom I’d happily meet again.

Got a personal essay about dating that you want to share? Get in touch with the editor: akarplus@businessinsider.com.