Both of my kids recently started dating and their breakups are hard on me, too. I’m also invested in their relationships.

It can be tough to distance myself from my feelings

When my son, my first child, was an infant, I remember laying down some ground rules about who could hold the baby before we visited my husband’s extended family for the first time. I’ll never forget my father-in-law saying, “They don’t call them mother hens for nothing.” At that moment, I was a hot-tempered mother hen, protecting my brood at all costs.

More than 15 years later, I am still a mother hen, and when I perceive that my kids have been wronged, it’s tough not to get involved. I’ve learned to keep quiet, both in not confronting other parents about what I think their kids did wrong and in sharing my opinion with my kids unless they ask for it. While my husband is a safe sounding board for my frustrations, my kids aren’t — so I listen to them talk about their breakups and their feelings but only offer advice when they ask for it, even when biting my tongue is tough to do.

Still, watching my teens date and grow as people is incredibly rewarding

All sobbing and stressing aside, I’ve seen some upsides to my kids going through break-ups. For one, it’s brought my husband and me closer to each of them as we’ve talked through their feelings and helped them process their grief and anxiety over the end of their relationship. We’re grateful to have kids who share openly with us, and truly feel honored to be trusted sources in their lives that they come to when things are tough.

It’s also been rewarding to see my kids grow and learn as a result of each breakup. Dating may be filled with ups and downs, but those occurrences offer an opportunity to experience conflict, resolution, joy, and discontentment. Seeing my teenagers date has been unexpectedly hard for me, yes, but it’s also made me incredibly proud of the two humans I am raising and how strong they are.