Growing up with a lazy eye was difficult. It still makes me self-conscious sometimes, even as an adult.

• I have a lazy eye, and kids used to call me names.
• I’ve learned to put a positive spin on it, and I highlight features that I like.
• But as an adult, I still feel insecure sometimes.

“Are you looking at me?” It was a question I was asked often as a kid. One eye would inevitably drift off and out. That was until I learned how to cover . I thought if I focused more on the positive things, others would too.

Of course, when I went into education and began working with kids who noticed everything, I was returned to my childhood days.

“Mrs. Johnson, are you looking at me?” they would wonder. Or, “What’s wrong with your eye?” they would ask, because kids are honest and curious. In those moments, I became the embarrassed little girl again. Even as an adult, it remains difficult to ignore the comments.

During the pandemic, when masks became a necessary and constant accessory, it brought my eye back into focus. I had no way to play up other features I used to rely on when they were hidden under a mask. When people looked at me, all they saw were my eyes. While I often think of having another surgery to correct my drifting eye, I’m unsure if it’s worth it. I’m almost 50, and the expense of the surgery and time I’d need to recover may prove to be too much.

I suppose there are worse things. At least I no longer have to feel the sticky clinging of that brown eye patch. As a special education teacher, I also use my eye condition to teach the kids I work with that it’s OK to be different. We are all unique, and while my eye drifts, I can see two different things at the same time. Other people can’t. I think that’s pretty cool.