I live in Australia, and my partner lives in the US. Long distance is hard — especially when I was detained and deported at the border.

• I live in Australia and my partner lives in the US; we are in a long-distance relationship.
• When I was traveling to the US to see my partner, I was deported, and it has caused me trauma.
• Our relationship has been difficult, but it’s worth it.

I met my partner in New Orleans right before COVID changed everything, and I never thought our relationship would involve dealing with international borders and visa rules. As an Australian, I was used to long-haul flights, but the emotional challenges were something I didn’t expect.

In February 2020, I spent Mardi Gras in New Orleans with Rene. I was excited about our future together. I went back to Australia, making plans to return for longer periods. But then the world shut down due to COVID.

Navigating a long-distance relationship was tough, especially with Australia’s strict travel restrictions. Our borders were completely closed, and citizens weren’t allowed to leave without special government permission.

I watched as other long-distance relationships fell apart, but somehow, Rene and I managed to hold on. After a year apart, I discovered I could apply for visas based on our relationship, and I finally booked my ticket back to the US. But it didn’t get any easier.

I once was deported back to Australia

I applied for a tourist visa, allowing me to stay in the US for up to six months at a time. I thought this would be enough since I planned to bounce between our two countries for only three months at any time. I also work as a digital nomad, contracting with various companies — so I believed I was following the rules of my visa.

But in December 2020, when I flew back to the US to spend Christmas and my 50th birthday with Rene, things went terribly wrong. Immigration officers stopped me at the airport in Honolulu, questioning my travel plans and my freelance work.

What followed was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life. I was interrogated for hours. My 11-year-old daughter was with me, and she tried to comfort me as I broke down in tears. The next day, we were escorted back to the departure gate and put on a plane back to Australia. My visa was revoked.

Spending my 50th birthday alone in Australia after getting deported was devastating. My daughter was able to make jokes to relieve the pain; whenever we saw a police car, she’d say, “Be careful, Mum, you’re a hardened criminal now.”

However, the emotional toll of being separated from Rene and missing Christmas with his family and my daughter imprinted its trauma.

This relationship isn’t easy, but it’s worth it

After that traumatic experience, I knew I had to find a way to be with Rene that wouldn’t put me at risk again. I researched visa options and eventually discovered a special visa, particularly for Australians, known as an E-3 visa. This visa allows me to live and work in the US legally. It was a complicated process, but I was determined to make it work.

When I finally returned to the US with the correct visa, I thought the worst was behind me. However, upon arriving in Honolulu, I was detained again at immigration. Officers scrutinized my documents before finally allowing me to enter. Even with everything in order, the anxiety of being detained again was overwhelming.

The fear hasn’t gone away. Every time I go through US immigration, I still panic. I feel myself shaking and that I’m doing something wrong — even though I know I’m not. The anxiety is compounded by the sight of the big black “REVOKED” markings still present on my passport from the previous tourist visa.

Living between two countries comes with its own set of challenges, and the trauma of being deported has only made it harder. Rene and I have had to learn to cope with constant travel, time apart, and the fear of facing immigration again.

Yet, despite these difficulties, our relationship has survived. We’ve found a way to be together — even when it feels like the odds are stacked against us.